I think dissembling is one thing most autistics find confusing. It is perhaps the hardest social skill to learn, especially for those of us born without the inborn social reflexes. [I often wonder why one of the first things we are told to do is to pretend. Mimicry and acting are different from generalization of social rules, and to pretend makes us look so very awkward. Most of us do learn to mimic, but it is a far cry from learning social skills, as I see it.] One reason for avoiding eye contact is the “one way transparency” common with autistics. Without an ability to hide behind a mask as others seem to do so easily we are helpless to defend ourselves from attacks by others who pretend to understand us and yet “do not have a clue”. Either we must avoid eye contact to minimize interpretive errors by others when our emotions are exposed, or we must learn to somehow hide them elsewhere.
“Masks” or “Fronts” often seem to me a socially acceptable way to lie or deceive others. I lived in the south for a while, and though I truly loved the area I could not adapt to the “Southern Gentility”, which to me seemed a term for putting on a front, deceiving and often gossiping or backstabbing another when absent. I am absolutely convinced that we can “speak the truth with love” as the Lord commands without being cruel or rude. Why is deceit needed?
Ephesians 4:29-32 (NASB77)
29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Filed under: A Few Basic Concepts, Autism Spectrum Disorder, Errors in Professional Documentation, Eternal Topics, 1 Cor 13, ADD, ADHD, ASD, asperger's, attention deficit disorder, atypical autism, autism, autism spectrum disorder, childhood schizophrenia, cultural standards, friendship, intimacy, love, minimal brain dysfunction, neurotypical, PDD, perceptual, pervasive developmental disorders, platonic, relationships, sensory integration, stereotypes
