When I mention the need for consistency and order, most people respond with ideas such as schedules, calendars, written agenda, preparatory signals, and the like. Although all of these are included, they are only a small part of the sort of consistency I and others like me need in order to thrive.
Consider the overwhelming amount of information that an autistic individual must examine, interpret, categorize and store JUST to function at the most basic social level without an inborn “social interpreter” to assist in the process. Every facial expression, tone of voice, pitch, pause, body posture, etc must be accurately correlated with specific meanings as well as appropriate occasions for their usage. This becomes even more of a burden for those of us without any inborn sense of time. Every time a person uses a communication tool in a different way, the autistic individual must examine and interpret the commonalities and differences with the existing storage of information tp determine WHY the same tool was used in a different situation or manner.
Anyone who truly appreciates the magnitude of such a task should begin to understand the impact that this sort of thing has upon development and spontaneous social interactions. Many are overwhelmed and either give up or decide to disown the “outside world” and make up their own rules and definitions. Often the rejection received in response to such decisions is less than that received by attempting to behave according to what appears to be the random or arbitrary rules of society.
Now consider the changes society has undergone in the past half-century. Abandonment of rules and standards of conduct has been one of the major themes, and to this has been added a ‘do your own thing’ relativistic value system. Anyone who believes in or needs truth and consistency is declared “intolerant” by the gurus of “Tolerance” and shunned. In addition, acceptance of “white lies”, false fronts and deception has been almost ubiquitous.
The older the individual is, the more traumatic it is to learn that the foundation for understanding society and behavior s/he has so carefully built from mounds of research is no longer valid, at least “sometimes”. Unfortunately, my experience indicates that it is happening more and more often. People who claimed to be friends now say they were only “trying to help”, people previously thought to be honest and caring now confess that they never actually cared. Suddenly the rules of interpretation no longer apply? This can cause a profound “cave-in” for the life and self-image of a person with autism.
Statements such as ,”Get over it!”, “Move on!”, “Stop taking everything so personally!” and “You need to stop living in the past…” may be helpful advice to neurotypical individuals, but not to many autistics. Ongoing internalization and intensive analysis is essential to an autistic’s survival.
Filed under: Autism Spectrum Disorder
